I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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