Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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