i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
