i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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