R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
