I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize