so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
