It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
