Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
