i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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