At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize