My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
