By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize