I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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