I heard we made out
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
