due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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