I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
