Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
