forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
