Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
