Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
