he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
