someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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