I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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