Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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