I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
