i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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