We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
