she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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