OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
