the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize