ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The air taste purple.
Randomize