Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
