but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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