No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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