Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
