it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
