my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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