I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
