Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
