Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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