Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
