Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
