I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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