I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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