OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
