nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
