Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
no, he came in my armpit
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize