When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
