He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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