so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
