just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As shirtless as possible
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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