I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
