$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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