I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And then he peed in my hair
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