Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
COCAINE IS GR8
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
