I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
