Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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