You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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