I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
