Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
