it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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