So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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