so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
