he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
