I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
