Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
