he thought i was a dude.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
